Back Pain

My hand on her back, cupping my fingers on her shoulder and then sliding slowly downward. This is a condescending motion for me. It began with the way my father touched my mother. It was a way of feeling bad about a situation but continuing it. It was unfair and unjust and the other has no idea what it all means other than an endearing motion. I have always wanted to be truthful and when I touch this way, I know beyond my pitiful consciousness exactly what I'm doing. I am feeling sorry for her with each stroke, hurting her as my empathy draws me closer. It is as far as I can reach out to her within my deficient means.. it's as little as I can offer. I keep her away at arm's length. The back always remains strong and I wonder what I am doing here.