Room for Rent: SWF looking for SWM 1/3 her age

Relocating to another city becomes exponentially easier when your grandmother lives there. Such was the case for me a few years ago. Our family calls her 'Oma,' the German word for grandmother.. even though she isn't German. She generously offered her guest room to me for as long as needed to get properly accommodated. For that, I will always be indebted to her unconditional love. Overall it was a wonderful experience, but I remember a few 'memorable' moments.

The pullout couch, became my bed. It had a wonderfully crafted metal bar that situated itself in the most thoughtful position to encourage poor posture the next day. At times, it felt like sleeping on a beach: a nice thought the night before, but one long, rough night. I felt like I was at odds with this beast every night before bed.

It was mid-summer and temperatures were intense at times during the night. I detest air conditioning, favoring a good fan any day of the week. So, I closed my door at night as my Oma pumped the AC on full blast. During the night, she would sweetly open the door thinking I would want to benefit from the cool air flowing down the hallway. I am usually an extremely light sleeper but those nights, I considered myself so lucky to beat the pullout couch bar that I was out like a baby. A few nights of the week, my dear Oma cooked fish at 3 am. This must be an Eastern European thing..? The smell carried itself down to corridor into the opened door leading to my room. Waking up in the middle of the night to the powerful fragrance of carp or bass was a unique sensation. Needless to say, my eyes remained wide open and fixated on the ceiling fan until it was time for work.

The second part of this story relates to the attire that an Eastern European grandmother sports at home. Casual wear one could call it.. it resembles a maternity dress of sorts.. like a big poncho or something. Definitely comfort over fashion. So, she wore this type of loose fitting gown, kind of like the bloomers of pajamas. It was light blue and that is all of the detail I care to recall.

The issue being, that while I was preparing for work, I would meet her in the kitchen first thing in the morning. The gown seemed too loose fitting in the wrong areas, probably due to extended wear. The chest area was way too exposed and the blue was not blue enough to shun the morning light from revealing a top heavy silhouette. Trust me, this is the last thing any young man needs to deal with before work. For this, I had to mentally divide her body in horizontally sectioned zones:

Zone 1: from the top of the head down to the lower part of the neck
Zone 2: from the solar plexus down to the waist *
Zone 3: from the waist down to the knees
Zone 4: from the knees to the feet

* Danger Zone

This system came in handy as I would look at only zones of her body. My line of vision would never have a flowing motion, but rather possess a choppy action. Zone 1 was the primary target. If my eyes were to drift (naturally), they would go straight to the 'safe' zones of 3 or 4. Intermittent blinking was also an integral aspect of this technique. So, as a ray of light pierced through while a southern wind blew in from the open window, I would hear a robotic voice in my head exclaim, "Zone 3 -- Stat!" It was the perfect system for the most imperfect situation.

Well, those were some memorable moments during my three month stay with her. I loved our long talks about her youth and we took some long strolls atop the mountain; she really loved that. We never had a negative moment throughout the duration of my stay and I will never forget what someone so special did for me. The best part of the experience, was that I stopped calling her 'Oma.' Her new name, which still places a huge smile on her face, is 'Pal.'

Thanks for everything Pal.